


not(ice) me

by thefarcry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rare Pairings, awkward confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:48:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4065643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefarcry/pseuds/thefarcry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kindaichi has a crush on Iwaizumi that he knows is hopeless, but he can't help rocking the boat sometimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not(ice) me

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand it's finally finished!! This has taken me over a month to write, and originally it was only supposed to be like a couple thousand words. Needless to say the whole thing got away from me and I made myself laugh and cry numerous times so. I hope this brings you joy and pain.

 “Kindaichi, you're doing it again.”

Kindaichi jumped, eyes snapping over to Kunimi. The other boy looked more bored than anything else, but his eyes had an amused, almost mischievous sparkle to them that, unless Kindaichi hadn't known him personally, probably would have gone unnoticed. Kindaichi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and cast Kunimi an irritated look.

They were at a training camp, along with the rest of the team, and Kunimi and Kindaichi were the only two unfortunate enough to have been assigned homework by their teachers over golden week. They weren't anything huge or important—and technically they didn't even have to do them over the break since they were due two weeks after they returned to school—but Kunimi had reasoned that if they did it first thing, they would have more time to practice volleyball and be better prepared for the spring preliminaries. Kindaichi quickly agreed, and the two settled down at a table at the end of the day to get started.

Unfortunately, it was a lot more difficult to focus than Kindaichi had previously thought it would be. The rest of their teammates were sitting around chatting idly with one another, joking and laughing and obviously having so much more fun than Kindaichi. It wasn't long before his attention was totally wrenched away from the task at hand, and his gaze settled on the group of third years. Or rather, on Iwaizumi. It was so easy to become transfixed with the older boy, and he quickly became mesmerized as he watched the ace smile and laugh. Kindaichi felt a little like a creep, spying on his senpai like that (if it constituted as spying; really he was just looking and couldn't even hear what they were talking about).

Kindaichi had been busy admiring the way the light of the setting sun lit up Iwaizumi's face, bringing out his striking cheekbones in a way that was so handsome it was  _astonishing..._ when Kunimi interrupted him.

“Doing what again?”

“Staring at Iwaizumi-san.”

There was a beat of silence as Kindaichi balked, eyes wide and face turning more and more red by the second.

“W-what?” he stuttered. “I was not! I was just bored and zoned out.”

Kunimi raised his eyebrows, utterly unimpressed. “Oh. Well, then, I guess that makes sense.”

“Thank you. Now stop saying stupid—”

“Because I know that when I zone out,” Kunimi interrupts him, leaning in close, “I fix my eyes on one person and stare at them even when they move across the room.”

Oh. Well, that was going to be a bit harder to argue with. Kindaichi just huffed and rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his cheeks were still aflame with embarrassment, and waved Kunimi's words aside.

“So maybe I was staring a little,” he assented gruffly. “So what? Iwaizumi-san is a cool guy, it's hard  _not_  to look at him.”

“I manage just fine,” Kunimi mutters, and Kindaichi reaches over and pinches his arm. “OW!”

The shout draws the attention of their seniors, and Kindaichi kicks Kunimi under the table as Oikawa and Iwaizumi make their way over, faces drawn in concern.

“Good going, stupid,” Kindaichi hissed, but Kunimi just scowls and draws his legs up underneath him.

“Hey, is everything alright over here?” Oikawa asked, crossing his arms at the two first years. “Not fighting, are you?”

Kindaichi quickly shook his head, smiling nervously up at him. “No, of course not, Oikawa-san! Kunimi just gave himself a paper cut on accident.”

The captain exchanged a glance with Iwaizumi, then looked back and forth between them, both of them appearing unconvinced.

“Really? Is that right, Kunimi?” Iwaizumi asked, eyes fixed suspiciously on Kindaichi.

A shot of panic passed through Kindaichi, and he did his best to keep his face schooled in a passive expression. Still, he couldn't resist the urge to glance over at Kunimi, his stomach churning nervously. If Kunimi told the truth, then not only would he probably be scolded by Oikawa for picking fights, but he would also have to deal with the humiliation of everyone finding about his...interest in Iwaizumi.

Fortunately, Kunimi simply shrugged lazily and didn't say anything, going back to diligently working on his homework. This seemed to satisfy Oikawa, who smiled and ruffled Kindaichi's hair.

“Good!” he said cheerily. “Because training camps are about  _bonding_ , not causing rifts between two starting players. Do you understand?”

They both nodded, Kindaichi still feeling rather sheepish, and Oikawa beamed once more before turning and walking away, gesturing for Iwaizumi to follow. Kindaichi exhaled heavily in relief, and he shook his head to help clear it. He turned back to his homework, determined to remain focused for the rest of the night if only to avoid any further fiascoes.

“Oh, wait, Iwaizumi-san.”

Kindaichi felt the blood freeze in his veins at Kunimi's quiet call for their senior, and he broke out in a cold sweat as he heard footsteps approaching them. He refused to look up from his work though, his heart beating too rapidly to handle seeing Iwaizumi at that moment. Not while he was feeling so conscious of his own admiration, and the fact that Kunimi had also noticed. He tried to look busy, scribbling nonsense onto his worksheet to make himself less visible to Iwaizumi.

“What is it, Kunimi-kun?”

Iwaizumi's voice was friendly, polite, the definition of cordial. Kindaichi remembered when he first heard him speak like that. It had been quite shocking – a total opposite tone from Kindaichi's first impression of him. Iwaizumi had been yelling at Oikawa when Kindaichi had entered the gym his beginning day of middle school volleyball, his voice gruff and harsh. Kindaichi had been so afraid, skirting around him all through practice and avoiding any kind of interaction for fear of being scolded in such a way. But then Iwaizumi had approached him at the end of practice, his face open and kind, and he offered to help Kindaichi with his spike whenever he wanted. His smile had been so warm, Kindaichi thought it may have stopped his heart.

“Kindaichi is having a hard time figuring out this one section, but he's too proud to ask you himself. Mind giving him a hand?”

Kindaichi let out a choked sound as he sat up straight, eyes widened in horror. “K-Kunimi! I'm sorry, Iwaizumi-san, ignore him,” he added hastily to Iwaizumi, who was looking at him curiously. “I'm managing just fine on my own, really. You don't have to bother.”

(It was a lie, but Iwaizumi didn't have to know that.)

Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes down at Kindaichi. “I don't mind, you know. I'd gladly help if you need it.”

And before Kindaichi could protest, Iwaizumi knelt down on the floor beside Kindaichi and peered over his shoulder at the paper. “Which one is giving you a hard time?”

Oh god, it was like some kind of nightmare come to life...or a dream come true. Kindaichi could feel Iwaizumi's breath just barely against his neck and the heat of their bodies being so close touching. Scooting away from him, Kindaichi rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, trying not to look bothered.

“Ah, just, uh...” He gestured vaguely at the worksheet, unable to really focus on any one problem in particular. “That one.”

Iwaizumi turned towards him, lips twitching into a slight smirk. “That one, huh?”

“Mhm. Yup.”

“Hmm.” Iwaizumi leaned back on his hands, still grinning, and motioned towards Kindaichi. “So what aren't you understanding?”

Kindaichi just stared at him for a moment before his words registered, and he quickly looked back at the worksheet. “Oh. Well, um, I think I'm mostly just confused by—”

He was interrupted by a loud bout of laughter from across the room, and Kindaichi glanced over to see all of the other first years in a tight circle chatting happily with one another. He felt his heart sink in disappointment, and not for the first time that evening he found himself bitterly regretting the decision to finish the homework early. But he had agreed, and he couldn't abandon Kunimi to be the only one away from their friends.

“Hey.”

A tap on the shoulder brought Kindaichi's attention back to Iwaizumi, who was looking at him expectantly.

“You alright?” the third year asked. “You seem a little distracted.”

“Who, me?” Kindaichi said innocently. “Oh, no, I just...I was thinking.”

A crease appeared on Iwaizumi's forehead as he scowled at Kindaichi, and he shoved the other boy none too gently. “You know, you're starting to sound like Oikawa when you lie. It's a nasty habit, you should watch it.”

For a passing moment, Kindaichi was too shocked to say anything. Then a smile cracked over his face, and he let out a quiet laugh.

“Of course, Iwaizumi-san,” he said. “I'm sorry.”

The scowl didn't disappear entirely, but Kindaichi could have sworn he saw Iwaizumi smile for a split second. It filled Kindaichi with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, but it was quickly replaced by panic when he heard what Iwaizumi said next.

“Do you want to go somewhere a little more quiet?”

Kindaichi could feel the blood drain from his face. “W-what? No no, it's fine!”

Another chorus of laughter in the background, this time from the second years, and Kindaichi bit his lip, forcing himself not to glance in that direction.

“Really? Because it's a little loud in here. We could find somewhere you and Kunimi can concentrate better—”

“I'm fine, thanks,” Kunimi piped up, not looking up from his work. “You two go ahead.”

“N-no, really, I'm fine,” Kindaichi protested. He grabbed Iwaizumi's arm to keep him from standing, and the action forced Iwaizumi to look away from Kunimi and at Kindaichi. “Really. Just start talking and I'll be all yours.”

Iwaizumi's eyes widened a little and an almost devilish grin appeared on his face. The implications of Kindaichi's words caught up to him, and he started shaking his head vigorously, squeezing his eyes shut in horror.

“Oh, god, no no that's not what I meant!” he practically squeaked. “I just meant...my attention, you'll have it, I'll—”

“I understood just fine, Kindaichi,” Iwaizumi interrupted him, raising a hand to silence Kindaichi. Kindaichi bit his lip, still thoroughly embarrassed, but simply nodded nonetheless. “Alright. Now where do you want to begin?”

“Oh. Uh,” Kindaichi said, turning quickly to riffle through the papers. “I was, uh...thinking we could start with this one?”

He made to push the paper in Iwaizumi's direction, but Iwaizumi seemed to have a different idea. The third year scooted towards Kindaichi with seemingly no thought to personal space, crowding against Kindaichi so that their arms were pressed together. Kindaichi froze at the contact, breath caught in his throat and heart hammering out of control, and he had to consciously think about inhaling and exhaling in order to relax himself enough to listen to Iwaizumi.

“I remember doing this my first year,” the ace said casually, as though he wasn't so close that Kindaichi could see every last one of his eyelashes. “I had a hard time with it, too, at first, but Oikawa showed me a trick that works every time.”

He went on to explain, and Kindaichi did his best to pay attention. It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be, probably because Iwaizumi just had a voice that demanded to be listened to, and all in all it probably took Kindaichi half as long to complete the assignments with Iwaizumi's help than it would have to have done them without him. Together, they finished a good ten minutes before Kunimi, and Kindaichi actually understood it all to boot.

He almost wished it would have taken them longer, though, if only so he could spend more time with Iwaizumi.

The third year rose to his feet when he was sure Kindaichi had completed all of the work with total understanding.

“Good job,” he said, smiling proudly down at Kindaichi. The younger boy thought his heart might burst at the sight. “See, I knew you'd get it quickly. You're smart when you put your mind to it.”

Kindaichi blushed, waving off the praise while simultaneously drinking it all in. “No, it's all really thanks to you, Iwaizumi-san. I never would have gotten it without you.”

It may have been a trick of the light, but Kindaichi could have sworn Iwaizumi's cheeks turned a little pink.

“Don't be stupid,” he scowled, leaning to flick Kindaichi on the forehead. “You would've gotten it just fine eventually.”

“Ouch,” Kindaichi grumbled, rubbing his forehead and trying his best to glare up at Iwaizumi.

He failed miserably.

“Thank you for the help,” he said quietly, smiling slightly up at the older boy. “I appreciate it.”

Iwaizumi shrugged him off. “Like I said, it's not a problem.” He turned as though to walk away, then looked back at Kindaichi. “You know, if you ever need help again, don't hesitate to ask. This was, uh, kinda fun.”

Kindaichi's eyes widened, and he could only nod mutely up at him. Iwaizumi nodded once more at him, giving him a stiff smile before walking away for good this time. Kindaichi stared after him for a moment before turning to pack up his papers, a dopey grin plastered on his face.

“Quit making that face, it's disgusting,” Kunimi complained, glowering at Kindaichi over his incomplete worksheet.

Kindaichi's smile only widened.

 

* * *

 

As it turned out, Iwaizumi really did mean it when he said he would help if asked.

An opportunity presented itself a few weeks after the training camp, when Kindaichi was falling behind in his English class. Volleyball was taking up more and more of his time, and while prioritizing all of his other work and balancing out homework and family and volleyball, English had somehow gotten lost in the mix. So there he was, asking Iwaizumi outside the club room after practice if he could have some help studying.

Iwaizumi agreed without hesitation, setting up a time and place immediately as though he had been waiting for Kindaichi to ask. (Kindaichi wondered briefly if he had been, but he quickly brushed the thought aside.) They walked to the library after practice was over the next day. The homework and studying itself didn't take all that long, but the two ended up talking about this and that until they had successfully lost track of time and had to be asked by a stingy-looking librarian to leave so they could close the building.

Kindaichi asked again a week after that, and then a few days after that, until meeting at least once a week for studying became a regular habit for them. Of course, Kindaichi came to feel that they were using the term 'studying' rather loosely. It was more like they were hanging out while doing homework, and Kindaichi would occasionally ask for help. More often than not, he didn't even need the help. He just wanted an excuse for Iwaizumi to come sit next to him, so close that they were practically breathing the same molecules of air. Iwaizumi always sat like that when he helped Kindaichi, casually pressing up against his side and brushing their hands together as he showed him how to write different symbols.

It was surprising, and a little confusing. Although Iwaizumi was not unkind or unfriendly, he definitely never really came off as the touchy-feely type, unless punches and slaps on the back of the head were counted. The way he handled Kindaichi was...almost tender? It was gentle, careful, but Iwaizumi was always so casual with every touch and brush of skin that Kindaichi didn't know how to approach him about it. Maybe this was just how Iwaizumi was with his friends, and Kindaichi just wasn't close enough to him before to realize it. Still, as much as he enjoyed the closeness, he couldn't shrug the feeling that there was something different about it.

He brings it up the fourth time it happens.

“I thought Oikawa was the one who forgot about personal space,” he said, glancing at Iwaizumi out of the corner of his eye to gauge his reaction. The words came out quiet, a little shaky, and Kindaichi attempted to maintain a relaxed, teasing smile when Iwaizumi looked at him with a confused scowl.

“What are you talking about?” he asked. Even as he spoke, he shifted so that their legs almost overlapped from how they were sitting cross-legged on the floor of the library, tucked in between two high-rising shelves. No one else was around, at least not this section of the building. Everything around them was coated in an unhealthy layer of dust, so much that Kindaichi was having to repress the urge to sneeze every so often, but it was well-lit and by far the quietest area. Perfect for talking without worrying about being shushed.

Kindaichi bumped their shoulders and legs against one another, grinning broadly. “Ah, just, I never really thought you'd be comfortable with this, I guess.”

“...With what?”

Kindaichi blinked at him, now confused himself. Did he really not notice? The thought made him hesitate saying any more, not wanting things to suddenly get weird because he pointed out that they were sitting almost intimately.

“You're sitting very close to me.”

Well, so much for that.

Iwaizumi balked at that, and he started to move away. “Oh. I, uh, I didn't even notice. Sorry, I didn't mean to—”

“You didn't!” In a flash Kindaichi reached out and grabbed Iwaizumi's wrist, promptly keeping him in place. Kindaichi blushed and released his hold just as quickly, suddenly very interested in the carpet. “Uh, I mean. I don't really care if you don't. Makes studying a bit easier, yeah?”

He braved a glance at Iwaizumi and was surprised to see a smile working its way onto his face.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Iwaizumi said quietly, and without another word he turned back to the book in front of him.

Kindaichi didn't move, waiting for some other kind of reaction. That was it? He had to have something else to say. Not that Iwaizumi was known to talk much, but had it been Oikawa, certainly he would have said  _something_  to justify himself. But nothing was said, and Kindaichi smiled to himself as he, too, returned to his studies.

“You know,” Iwaizumi began a few minutes later, breaking the stretching silence, “I'm not an unaffectionate person.”

His brows were creased as though he is pondering a troubling thought, and Kindaichi realized suddenly that maybe this was something Iwaizumi worried about. He opened his mouth to say something, to reassure him, but Iwaizumi pressed on before he could get any words out.

“I know that people seem to think I'm some kind of caveman or whatever. But I mean, I'm not cold. I might seem like it with Oikawa,” he added, “but that's just, I don't know, how we've always communicated. I don't wither up at the thought of being near someone.”

He glanced at Kindaichi, immediately regretting his words at the sight of the younger boy's surprised and somewhat hurt expression. “Not that you were suggesting that! I just...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I'm very comfortable around you, so it's not a big deal to me if it's not to you.”

(It was a big deal to Kindaichi, but not in the way Iwaizumi would think.)

A happy smile lit up Kindaichi's face, and he nudged Iwaizumi again teasingly. “I make you comfortable, huh?”

He was a little astonished at his own boldness, but it paid off when Iwaizumi scowled, the tips of his ears and back of his neck turning a faint red.

“Don't look so proud of yourself,” he grumbled, a smile pinching at his lips. “You're just...a relaxing guy, alright? For a whiny first year.”

“Oh, I'm sure you say that to all the first years,” Kindaichi snickered.

“Just the ones I'm lucky enough to get alone,” Iwaizumi replied without missing a beat, his voice low and flirtatious, and he threw in a wink just for good measure.

Kindaichi had to make a conscious effort not to clutch his heart to keep it from beating out of his chest. “W-well, don't I feel special.”

Iwaizumi's bark of laughter echoed around them, and they went still as they simultaneously remembered that they were still in a library. A few more seconds of silence and a glance or two around them let them know that they were going to, in fact, remain undisturbed. They didn't dare break the quiet again for a few minutes, though, as they turned back to their books and exchanged amused grins occasionally.

As they left the library, Iwaizumi offered to buy Kindaichi an ice cream.

After that night, things changed between them. The two undeniably went from amiable teammates – admired senpai and adoring kouhai – to good friends. More and more time was spent studying together, until one night Kindaichi suggested they ditch studying for the night and go see that cool new sci-fi movie that had just been released. Nights out became more common, and though more often than not they did bring their books, most of the time was spent talking.

Slowly, Iwaizumi started opening up, and Kindaichi grew to know more about his senpai than he ever thought he would, both about his life and his personality – picking up little quirks and habits that had otherwise gone unnoticed. Like the way he would tilt his head to the side while he read so that the tips of his hair would brush Kindaichi's ear when they sat side by side, or how he tapped his thumbs together whenever he listened to Kindaichi talk. Kindaichi knew about, though had not yet met, Iwaizumi's parents and younger brothers, and about the cousins who Iwaizumi suspected were involved in some kind of gang activity. He knew about the disastrous birthday party Iwaizumi's grandmother had thrown him when he was turning six, when not only had the weather gone south and everyone had been rained on, but the kitchen also caught fire and forced everyone back out into the storm.

They were friends, although Kindaichi's heart never did learn to sit still whenever they were side by side. He didn't freeze up anymore when Iwaizumi would talk to him with that rare, gentle politeness, and there was considerably less blushing done in his presence. But his feelings still went beyond admiration, and now that they were close he knew for sure it was more than a simple desire for friendship as well.

For a short time, he even allowed himself to hope that he wasn't alone in this, as the space between them continued to shrink. There were times when Iwaizumi came close to sitting on Kindaichi's lap, or their fingers were so tangled it was almost like they were holding hands. These occurrences always popped up after an hour or so of spending time together, when they would gravitate towards one another without even noticing.

And yet, Kindaichi didn't even realize how close they had become or how often they hung out until Oikawa started whining about it one day at practice.

“Kin-chan!” he cried despairingly. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Kindaichi looked up from tying his shoelaces, narrowing his eyes in confusion. Oikawa was leaning over him, lips pinched into a pout, and ignoring Iwaizumi who was trying to pull him away.

“Come on, Oikawa, leave him alone,” Iwaizumi grumbled, tugging at the setter's sleeve in vain.

Oikawa waved him off, eyes never leaving Kindaichi. “No, no, Iwa-chan, he needs to explain himself!”

Kindaichi straightened up. “Explain what, Oikawa-san?” He felt a flash of concern, and he looked to Iwaizumi for help. “Have I done something wrong?”

“Not at all,” Iwaizumi assured him, just as Oikawa cried out an offended, “Yes you have!”

Kindaichi glanced back and forth between them, growing more and more confused by the moment. “I don't understand. Which is it?”

“Kindaichi, ignore him, you haven't done anything,” Iwaizumi told him gruffly, glaring at Oikawa out of the corner of his eye.

“How can you say that?” Oikawa wailed. “He's stealing you away from me! I never get time with you anymore, not when you're always trailing after each other. It's not fair!”

“You still get more time with me than anyone else,” Iwaizumi argued. His face was bright red, though Kindaichi didn't think it was out of anger. “Just because I hang out with Kindaichi doesn't mean we're not friends anymore, dumbass!”

Oikawa turned away from him and crossed his arms. “Please go away, Iwa-chan. I'd like to talk to Kindaichi privately.”

“No way, you're just gonna harass him—”

“Iwa-chaaan,” Oikawa sang. “I'm captain, yes?”

“Yeah, but—”

“So please do as I ask and make sure everyone has done their stretches?”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to argue, but Oikawa gave him a look that Kindaichi couldn't see which made him clamp his mouth shut. He nodded slowly, glancing at Kindaichi once more before walking away. Kindaichi watched him go, anxiety building up in his stomach.

“So, Kin-chan.” Oikawa clapped him on the shoulder and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Kindaichi did his best not to jump and flinch away from the touch, reminding himself that it was just Oikawa. Oikawa liked him just fine, and Iwaizumi said that he didn't do anything wrong. There was no real reason to be nervous...right?

“You've been spending a lot of time with Iwa-chan lately, haven't you?”

“I'm sorry!” Kindaichi blurted out before he could stop himself. “I don't mean to take him away from you, it's just...well, I've always looked up to him, you know, and I didn't think about taking your time with him away when he wanted to actually be around me, I just got so excited and didn't think—”

“Kin-chan!” Oikawa cut him off, exasperated. “You need to re _lax_. I'm not actually angry with you.”

Kindaichi blinked, confused. “You...you aren't?”

“No! I mean, it's annoying not to have Iwa-chan all to myself as much anymore,” Oikawa said, “but I'm not so selfish that I don't want him having other friends. I'm happy you two are getting along so well.”

“Oh.” Kindaichi paused, trying to process this. “Then, what's the problem?”

“Ah, no problem, really,” Oikawa said breezily, tugging Kindaichi along to the gym. “I just want you to be careful.”

“About...?”

“Iwa-chan and I are third years,” Oikawa stated. “And, truth be told, I still am not sure what his plans are for the future. But as far as I know, it doesn't sound like he plans on sticking around here.”

Kindaichi felt his mouth go dry. “And why are you telling me this?”

Oikawa gave him a sad, knowing smile. “Oh, Kin-chan. I just want you to be careful, you know? You're a sweet kid, really, and you deserve every happiness. Just don't get too attached to something that most likely isn't going to be around next year.”

The air suddenly felt very cold, and Kindaichi shivered as he wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He didn't say anything or even look at Oikawa, not even when the older boy patted him comfortingly on the back and murmured that they should get to practice.

 

* * *

 

Kindaichi started to avoid Iwaizumi a little bit after that. And by a little bit, he avoided him entirely. It was harder than he thought it would be, since without realizing it, the older boy had become a part of his daily routine. He stopped walking by this one spot in the halls where they would see each other and pause to say hello, and before practice he wouldn't talk to him unless Iwaizumi approached him first....which was a lot more common of an occurrence than Kindaichi had realized. Kindaichi also stopped passing by Iwaizumi's room at lunch and ducked out of sight when Iwaizumi came around to find him one day.

It sucked, and honestly it didn't do much to stop Kindaichi's admiration from growing. But he kept it up in low hopes that it would fade like any other schoolboy crush inevitably would.

A week went by like this, and Kindaichi could tell that Iwaizumi noticed something was up. Kindaichi would catch him watching him at practice, forehead creased thoughtfully, but he stopped trying as much to talk to Kindaichi. Maybe he realized that Kindaichi wanted, or rather needed, some space. Still, Kindaichi couldn't help but wish Iwaizumi would try harder to talk to him, to give him some kind of hint that all of these feelings he had weren't entirely one sided.

It was a silly dream, nothing more, and Kindaichi hated himself for ever thinking such a thing.

“Did you and Kindaichi have a fight?” Kindaichi heard Matsukawa ask Iwaizumi one day in the club room. It had been over two and a half weeks since the two had studied together, and almost as much since Kindaichi had stopped talking to Iwaizumi. Needless to say, the new distance between them had not gone unnoticed by their teammates, especially Oikawa. The setter had tried on numerous occasions to corner Kindaichi, but the first year always found some way to duck out of it.

Kindaichi tried to act natural but moved more quietly so that he could listen for Iwaizumi's response, stealthily turning his head so that he could hear better.

“No,” was Iwaizumi's short reply after a brief pause. “At least, I don't think so.”

“Have you asked him?”

“...I've tried.” Another pause. “I don't think he wants to talk to me anymore.”

“That's a load of shit if there ever was one,” Matsukawa scoffed. “The kid adores you. I've never seen him happier than when you two were hanging out. Just go see if he wants to—”

“Hey, Kindaichi!”

Kindaichi jumped at the excited voice behind him, and he whirled around to see Watari grinning at him. “O-oh. Hey, Watari. What's up?”

“A few of us were gonna go get ice cream,” Watari told him. “Do you wanna come with?”

“Oh.” Kindaichi perked up in interest. It had been a while since he had done anything with his teammates outside of practice, and his study sessions with Iwaizumi. His heart sank a little at the realization, and he quickly shook the thought away. If he ever hoped to get over this crush, he would need to have some distractions. “Well, I—”

“Kindaichi!”

The familiar voice cut him off, and Kindaichi hesitated before he turned to see Iwaizumi walking over to them.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” the third year said, nodding in greeting at Watari before turning to Kindaichi. “Hey.”

Kindaichi did his best to act unbothered, picking at his jacket sleeve to keep himself from saying something stupid.. “Uh, hey.”

There was an awkward silence as the two just stared at each other, Watari appearing quite entertained as he glanced back and forth between them with wide eyes and an even wider grin. Eventually, Iwaizumi cleared his throat, and he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke.

“Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to study,” he said slowly. “Together. Tonight. Or, uh, now. I guess.”

Kindaichi's eyes flickered to the floor, settling on anything that wasn't Iwaizumi. “I, uh, don't really need help with anything tonight.”

“Oh. Right,” Iwaizumi said lightly. “How about...just hanging out? If you're not busy.”

He glanced in Watari's direction, the hint of an anxious glint in his eyes.

“I mean, Watari did invite me to get ice cream,” Kindaichi began.

“I don't mind,” Watari said cheerfully. “At all. You can come next time, yeah?”

Kindaichi blinked at him, a little stunned. “Uh...sure?”

But Watari had already walked away, grinning and waving over his shoulder as he joined his other friends and led them out of the club room.

Hesitantly, Kindaichi turned back to face Iwaizumi. The third year was oddly stiff, his shoulders hunched and his hands shoved in his coat pockets, and he seemed nervous and on edge, more so than any other time Kindaichi had seen him. It was a little frightening.

“So,” Kindaichi said eventually, “the library?”

Iwaizumi shifted on the balls of his feet. “Actually, I was thinking you could come over to my place? Play some video games? I can make us dinner.”

The offer took Kindaichi by surprise, making his heart stutter in his chest. Immediately, though, he reprimanded himself and shook his head before he could allow himself to even consider agreeing.

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Kindaichi said quietly. “My parents...they might not be alright with the short notice. Plus they don't like me being out so late on school nights.”

Iwaizumi bit his lip, sending a stab of guilt through Kindaichi. “Well, what if you spent the night? I can clean your uniform and practice clothes tonight.”

Kindaichi didn't know how to respond to that, torn between jumping on the idea and searching for some kind of excuse to back out. It was pure torture, being offered almost everything he had ever wanted but being unable to accept. The longer he was silent, the less sure Iwaizumi appeared, and the older boy began to shift uncertainly from side to side.

“Look,” he said quietly, “I don't want to force you if you really don't want to. I guess...I just miss hanging out with you, you know? Or just talking. It feels like we haven't even done that in a while.”

“We spoke at practice,” Kindaichi pointed out weakly, and Iwaizumi huffed in annoyance.

“That's not what I meant and you know it,” he said tersely, and Kindaichi averted his gaze guiltily.

Iwaizumi sighed. “I'm sorry. For whatever it is that made... _this—_ ” He gestured back and forth between them— “weird.”

Kindaichi quickly looked up, shaking his head and waving his hands. “No, Iwaizumi-san, it's nothing like that! You haven't done anything, I swear.”

A quiet, frustrated noise resonated in the back of Iwaizumi's throat. “Then why have you been avoiding me? I've gone over everything from the past month that could've driven you away and I can't think of anything, so please just tell me. What did I do?”

The silence that fell informed them that they were the only two people left in the club room, and when Kindaichi glanced out the window he could tell it was already getting late. He was growing tired, and this was really not something he wanted to argue about at that moment. So he sighed, closing his eyes and contemplating before making the split-second decision, and he turned back to Iwaizumi.

“I'm sorry. I'll explain sometime, but...not tonight. But,” he added quickly as Iwaizumi's eyes went dim with disappointment, “I would like to hang out. If you'll still have me.”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth as though to argue, but then he stopped and a small smile crept onto his face. “Yeah. Of course.”

 

* * *

 

 

The walk to Iwaizumi's home was mostly quiet, marked by stolen glances by both boys when the other wasn't looking. There were several instances when Iwaizumi tried to strike up conversation – asking how Kindaichi had been, which was answered with a short “Alright” and the polite reciprocation of the question, the answer to which was the same as Kindaichi's – but they all died out quickly and awkwardly. The atmosphere was tense and uncomfortable. Kindaichi felt useless to change it, trying to smile whenever Iwaizumi caught his eye, but it felt empty.

After twenty minutes of walking, they stepped off the road into an apartment lot. The pavement was uneven and patchy, so full of holes that Kindaichi had to keep his eyes on the ground for fear of twisting his ankle if he didn't watch right where his feet were going, and there were weeds and wildflowers poking their way through the cracks. The building itself was something out of a horror movie, a crumbling two-story monstrosity with peeling paint and shattered windows patched up by garbage bags and what might have been plastic wrap in some cases. A large shirtless man was glowering down at them from the balcony lining the second floor, a cigarette hanging from his teeth, but Iwaizumi didn't seem to either notice or care. He picked his way across the lot, glancing back to make sure Kindaichi was keeping up alright, and led them up the rickety wooden stairs and across the balcony a ways in the direction away from the shirtless man.

Iwaizumi had to unlock the front door when they arrived, and he wordlessly beckoned for Kindaichi to step inside. His eyes didn't leave the ground, though, and there was a pink tint to his cheeks to match the faint look of shame and shadow of regret on his face.

The inside was...small, to say the least. The door led to what Kindaichi could only assume was the living room, with a couch pressed against one wall facing a small TV that looked like it was older than Iwaizumi, a lamp in each corner to make up for the fact that there were no overhanging lights. Iwaizumi turned them on as soon as he shut and locked the door behind him, toeing off his shoes beforehand, and Kindaichi saw that at the back of the living room was a small section of the floor that was tiled. Against that wall was a small kitchen, complete with a fridge, an oven, and a sink that appeared to be covered in all manner of stains.

“My parents are out with my brothers for the weekend,” Iwaizumi told Kindaichi in a subdued voice. He wasn't looking directly at Kindaichi, skirting his gaze around him but keeping his eyes fixed on either the floor or the wall.

Kindaichi's stomach lurched as he realized that Iwaizumi was embarrassed of where he lived, and that it must have taken loads of courage to bring someone new over. He tried not to feel pity for the older boy, instead deciding to be touched that Iwaizumi trusted him enough to bring him there.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Cool. More time to ourselves then, huh?”

An appreciative smile flashed across Iwaizumi's face, gone as soon as it appeared. “Right.”

Iwaizumi took his coat and told him to go ahead and put his book bag wherever he wanted, before disappearing around the corner. Kindaichi used the opportunity to call home and tell his parents where he was. Contrary to what he had told Iwaizumi earlier, they had no issue with the change of plans, his mother excitedly chattering about how great it was that Kindaichi was spending time with friends again, and he hadn't been talking about Iwaizumi for a while and it was so great that they weren't fighting. It went on for several minutes before Iwaizumi returned, a towel hanging over his shoulder.

“Yeah, of course, Mom,” Kindaichi said into the phone, glancing over at Iwaizumi. “Yeah, I know. Hey, I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow, yes, okay, I love you too alright gotta go yes bye, Mom!”

He hung up quickly, willing his cheeks to turn to their normal color, and he pocketed his phone as he gave Iwaizumi a crooked smile.

“H-hey.”

“Hey. That your mom?”

“Yeah. She's cool with me staying the night.”

“That's great.”

Kindaichi nodded, and Iwaizumi smiled, then he cleared his throat before they could be surrounded by even more awkward silence. He held out the towel to Kindaichi.

“Here,” he said. “You can take a bath. You didn't shower after practice, right?”

“Oh,” Kindaichi said, reaching for the towel. “You noticed that?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, suddenly going a little pink. “Ah, yeah, well. I didn't see you there, so...”

This time it was Kindaichi's turn to look embarrassed, and he scratched the back of his neck. He had stopped taking showers with the rest of the team some time ago, when he had first realized just how far his admiration for Iwaizumi stretched. The last thing he wanted was to make things uncomfortable and awkward for everyone if his body were to react without his say so.

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “Uh, I'll only be a few minutes.”

Iwaizumi waved his hand vaguely. “Take your time. I'll cook something up while you're in there. Bathroom's just right there.”

He pointed to a door in the left corner of the living room, and Kindaichi thanked him before half walking, half running there.

True to his word, he did his best to not take long. Mostly it was so that he didn't have the opportunity to over-think things now that he was alone, but also because he realized just how much he had missed his time with Iwaizumi. Things were awkward and weird between them, but it was so nice just to be around him again. It made Kindaichi feel lighter, like all of the troubling thoughts from the past couple weeks weren't as big of an issue as they were before.

He climbed out of the bath before he let himself hope that he could carry this on.

Getting dressed fast, Kindaichi hung up the towel and went to the living room. Iwaizumi was on the kitchen side, hovering over the stove where he was stirring something in a small pot. Kindaichi hesitated a moment before clearing his throat to announce his arrival, and Iwaizumi glanced over his shoulder at him.

“Ah, out already?” he said. The tension in his back had disappeared, and his overall demeanor had shifted to one of relaxation. It helped ease the anxious anticipation in Kindaichi's gut, and he felt the awkward air from before beginning to quickly dissipate.

“Yeah,” Kindaichi answered, taking a few steps closer. He glanced over Iwaizumi, noticing that he had changed into sweatpants and a loose tank top that left his arms exposed. He couldn't help but rake his eyes over the bulging muscles and down to wear the sweatpants hugged Iwaizumi's rear, and he gulped as he felt his mouth go dry.

Iwaizumi turned around suddenly, and Kindaichi jumped guiltily, averting his eyes. Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows questioningly but didn't say anything other than, “Your hair.”

Self-consciousness came crashing down on Kindaichi's head, and he immediately patted his hair down to try and fix whatever was wrong with it. He cursed himself in his head. He knew he should have checked the mirror before he left the bathroom. “What about it?”

“It's all...flat,” Iwaizumi said, gesturing at Kindaichi's hair. “Do you gel it up or something?”

“Oh.” Kindaichi wasn't sure whether he felt more relieved or embarrassed. “Uh, yeah. I mean, it sticks up on its own a lot so I have to. Fix it.”

“Hm.” Iwaizumi's eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, a strange and unreadable expression on his face, and Kindaichi tried not to squirm under his gaze. “You look...it looks good. You should wear it down more often.”

Kindaichi blinked at him, unsure of what to say, as he and Iwaizumi looked at each other silently, another unfamiliar tension forming in the air once again. Thankfully, it didn't have a chance to settle when Iwaizumi turned back to the stove.

“I hope you don't mind curry. It's really all we have right now that I can make.”

Kindaichi gave him a disbelieving stare, guilt burrowing in his stomach “...You actually made me food?”

“Well yeah,” Iwaizumi said. The  _Are you stupid?_ wentunsaid but may as well have been spoken aloud. “You're spending the night. I'm not going to make you go hungry.”

“Yeah, but...”  _I don't deserve it. Plus you don't look like you have much—_

Iwaizumi cocked his head, expression softening slightly. “What is it?”

“I just...” Kindaichi exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Nothing. Thank you for the food, you really didn't have to.”

The scowl returned to Iwaizumi's face, and he rolled his eyes as he fetched dishes from the cabinet above the sink. “You're welcome. Now, do you want to eat then play video games, or eat while we watch a movie?”

“Eat then video games,” Kindaichi answered immediately. There was no way he could handle watching a movie with Iwaizumi. The whole time would be spent wondering if he was too close, or too far away, or simply staring at him instead of the screen. No, it was definitely a better idea to stick with video games.

Iwaizumi grinned at him and turned back to the food. “That's what I thought.”

They portioned out the food, then Iwaizumi led Kindaichi through another door on the opposite side of the bathroom, which ended up being what had to have been Iwaizumi's bedroom, to set up their game. The setup was almost exactly as Kindaichi had expected—mostly clean with a few articles of clothing scattered on the floor, with a few posters and and pictures taped up onto the off-white walls. Overall it was rather sparse, as though Iwaizumi didn't own much aside from what could be seen, and most of that was purely practical. Even the bedspread was a plain, simple navy blue that looked as though it was as old as Iwaizumi himself. The only thing of value that could be seen was another ancient-looking TV, this one even smaller, and X-box sitting on the floor by a couple bean bag chairs.

“Ah, sorry about the mess,” Iwaizumi said, avoiding Kindaichi's eye as he quickly picked up a pair of boxers from the floor and shoved them into a half-open drawer in his dresser. “I'm used to just Oikawa coming over.”

“It's fine,” Kindaichi said quickly. “I don't care, honest.” It was nothing compared to the mess back in his own room. “If it helps, just pretend I'm Oikawa or something.”

To Kindaichi's surprise, Iwaizumi turned bright red, and he shook his head emphatically. “Oh, god no. I could never do that.”

“Um.” Kindaichi chuckled awkwardly, shuffling back and forth on his feet. “A-alright?”

Iwaizumi seemed to sense his discomfort, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Not in a bad way. I mean, I didn't mean that negatively. Or anything. I just meant, it would be weird. To think of you like I think of Oikawa, because you're both very...different. To me, I guess.”

The outburst left Kindaichi standing more confused and a little concerned, but he just nodded slowly. “I...guess that makes sense.”

Silence crept up on them yet again, until Iwaizumi turned towards the TV.

“Which game do you wanna play?” he asked. With his back to Kindaichi, the first year could see the bright red color of the back of his neck.

The atmosphere lightened once more once the two got started on their game, and they ended up eating while playing, stuffing curry in their faces whenever there was a break in the game. It was so easy to fall into the activity as though it were daily routine, throwing casual banter back and forth and jostling one another playfully whenever the other got ahead. Kindaichi remembered what it was like to breathe easily around Iwaizumi again and the thrill of his pounding heart that just wouldn't sit still no matter what. He was afraid that it would be painful, but at that moment he was too happy to take any notice.

It all fell apart when he felt something pressing against his arm.

Kindaichi managed not to jump out of his skin, instead discreetly glancing out the corner of his eye. Without Kindaichi noticing, Iwaizumi had sidled over so that they were now directly side by side, and he was leaning to the side so that their arms were pressed against one another. It was just like when they would study together and Iwaizumi would come as close to Kindaichi as possible, only this time it felt a hundred times more intimate. They were in Iwaizumi's  _room_ , where his  _bed_  was just a few feet away. Kindaichi had to violently repress thoughts of where this situation might lead, if he had been born a girl. If he could ever be more than Iwaizumi's adoring kouhai.

Iwaizumi asked a question, but it didn't register until it was too late. Whatever words had been making their way out of the ace's mouth stopped dead in their tracks as Iwaizumi's voice trailed off, and for a long moment the two just stared at one another. The tips of their noses were almost brushing against one another, and Kindaichi could feel the other's breath coming in short and heavy bursts against his lips. Every cell in his body was torn between yanking himself away and fleeing, and moving forward to close that one inch of space between their lips. Equilibrium won out, and he just sat there gaping, trying to find some means with which to just  _move somewhere_.

“Hey, Kindaichi.”

Kindaichi's eyes ripped away from Iwaizumi's lips, which he hadn't even realized he had been staring at, and met Iwaizumi's gaze. He was prepared for anything he would see there – confusion, disgust, anger – and braced himself to be pushed back by an icy stare.

He was confused when all he saw in Iwaizumi's eyes was... _warmth._  Kindness that made Kindaichi feel like he was melting from the inside out.

“I-Iwaizumi-san?”

Iwaizumi's lips curled into a small grin as his eyes roamed Kindaichi's face. “You know, I can always tell when you're thinking too hard about things. You scrunch up your nose and chew on your lip.”

There was a pause as Kindaichi blinked in confusion, self-consciously ceasing his gnawing on his lower lip. “I...what?”

The grin broadened. “I think it's cute.”

_Wait...what?!_

Kindaichi leaned back a little, trying to cover up the blush spreading across his face with a scowl. “W-what are you talking about, Iwaizumi-san?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

“I think you're cute.”

Kindaichi barely registered the sounds of the game going on on the screen over the sound of blood rushing to his ears. His throat felt unusually tight, and he tried to push down the distraught feelings in his chest as a pricking sensation started up behind his eyes. “N-no you don't.”

Iwaizumi leaned in closer, raising one hand to run the tip of his fingers down the side of Kindaichi's face slowly. “Hmm, but I really do.”

“ _Iwaizumi-san_.” Kindaichi barely managed to choke out the word. Was this really happening? Of all people, he hadn't expected Iwaizumi to be capable of such cruelty. “P-please, you need to stop.”

Iwaizumi's smile melted away, replaced by a look of concern, and he yanked his hand away quickly. “Whoa, hey, Kindaichi. What's wrong?”

“What's  _wrong_?” Kindaichi echoed, cringing in embarrassment as his voice cracked painfully. “Y-you're making fun of me.” He swallowed back the tears threatening to break loose and shook his head, refusing to look back at the other. “Look, I...I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable that I couldn't hide it, but...but all you had to say was that you don't feel the same, please don't...I respect you more than anyone else, so please I'll do whatever you want just don't mock me—”

“Kindaichi, wait, calm down,” Iwaizumi interrupted, grabbing the first year's shoulders and turning him back to face him. “Kindaichi, look at me.”

Kindaichi just shook his head, tilting it the other way so he couldn't see the older boy, so Iwaizumi cupped his face and guided him so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

“I'm not making fun of you,” Iwaizumi said softly. “I was telling the truth.”

Wide-eyed, Kindaichi stared back up at him, taking a deep, shaky breath. “B-but...you're...you can't.”

Iwaizumi's thumbs began tracing circles against Kindaichi's cheekbones, his touch so light it sent shivers down Kindaichi's spine. “And why is that?”

A nervous gulp. This had to be a dream. There was no way it could be real, no way. It was so confusing, Kindaichi was having a hard time keeping up. “Because...you're Iwaizumi. You can have anyone.”

Iwaizumi laughed, low and slow, and he shifted so that he was on his knees facing Kindaichi. “That sounds like something people would tell Oikawa, not me.”

“People are stupid,” Kindaichi breathed. He couldn't tear his eyes from Iwaizumi's now, and he could feel his body gravitating forward. In this position he was the one looking up. It was oddly comforting, being looked down on for once, like now Iwaizumi could finally see him, now he finally stood out. “You're so much cooler that Oikawa-san.”

Iwaizumi laughed again, a little louder this time, and Kindaichi smiled sheepishly back.

“Is that why you like me?” Iwaizumi asked. “Because you think I'm cooler than Oikawa?”

Kindaichi's entire body was on fire, but he didn't think it was from embarrassment this time. “W-who said I like you?”

Iwaizumi bit his lip and chuckled nervously, and Kindaichi's stomach jolted at the realization that  _he_ was the one who made him do that. “Well, I hope you do otherwise I misread things pretty badly, and put myself in a very awkward position.”

With a spike of confidence, Kindaichi placed his hands on Iwaizumi's, pushing them off of his face and intertwining their fingers. “And why do you like  _me_ , Iwaizumi-san?”

Iwaizumi glanced down at their fingers, looking sort of flustered for a moment, but it didn't show in his voice when he answered, “You're dedicated and hardworking. You're constantly determined to be better even when you're already good, and you don't give up, ever.”

Kindaichi laughed quietly, and a little sadly. “So you like my volleyball skills.”

“That's not it,” Iwaizumi said with a scowl, and had his hands been free Kindaichi had no doubt he would have flicked Kindaichi on the forehead. “Those traits make you a good volleyball player, that's true. But...they also make you a good person, Kindaichi.”

Iwaizumi unlaced their fingers, hesitating before awkwardly shifting their positions so Iwaizumi was practically sitting on Kindaichi's lap in a similar way to how they would sit while studying. Only this time, he was facing Kindaichi and not away from him. To make it worse, Iwaizumi appeared unfazed aside from the faint flush dusting his cheeks.

“You're also kind,” Iwaizumi continued in a soft tone, “and you care about your friends more than yourself. You're smarter than you make yourself out to be, too, especially when you think other people don't notice. And, of course,” he adds with a grin, “you are very, very cute.”

“Th-that's...” Kindaichi stuttered. But he couldn't think of anything in response.

Iwaizumi scooted closer, slowly wrapping his arms around Kindaichi's neck. “So, Kindaichi. This is the part where you tell me whether or not I just made a complete idiot out of myself.”

“You could never do that,” Kindaichi blurted out. “I...Even if I didn't like you, there's no way you could ever...I just, I don't know what to say.” He blinked, taking a deep breath and chasing after what was left of his confidence, and put his hands shakily on Iwaizumi's waist. “Are you sure this is actually what you want?”

Iwaizumi made a face at him, and he bumped their heads together. “Stop saying that like it's some kind of weird mistake. Is it really so impossible that I could like you?”

Kindaichi closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing in deeply. “I'm just trying to understand. I didn't even know you liked boys, much less me.”

“Kindaichi.” Iwaizumi said his name the same way he would say 'dumbass': fondly, gently, and like he really did think Kindaichi was being stupid. “You really don't know? I've been dropping hints for forever now. I mean, we spent the past, what, two months without going a day of not speaking to each other. I...held your hand. Several times, I took your hand and—”

He reached down and tangled their fingers together, and suddenly Kindaichi was brought back to one of the nights when he and Iwaizumi had gone for food after studying. Kindaichi's meat bun had fallen to pieces in his hands, making a mess all over his fingers, and Iwaizumi had helped him clean up. At the time, Kindaichi had believed the excuse that the third year was just making sure his hands weren't sticky when he intertwined their fingers. He hadn't even realized that Iwaizumi never let go until he had dropped Kindaichi off at home a good half hour later. Kindaichi tried not to make a big deal out of it, telling himself that it was probably an accident. He told himself that the next time it happened, and the next.

Now Kindaichi just felt like an idiot.

“Oh.” He blinked owlishly at Iwaizumi, dazed as the realization dawned on him, then slowly turned his eyes to their linked hands. Even though Kindaichi could feel Iwaizumi's hand, the weight of him on his lap, everything about the situation still felt so unreal. At any moment he expected to jerk awake, alone in his bed with an aching and pounding heart, tears falling upon the settlement of cold hard reality.

But it never came.

Iwaizumi's hand in his didn't fade away to black. The heavy weight on his lap stayed in place, and when Kindaichi squeezed Iwaizumi's hand, instead of evaporating into dust, Iwaizumi remained solid and returned the squeeze even harder.

It finally hit him.

“You,” Kindaichi began, cutting himself off with a sharp intake of breath. “You...like me.”

If at all possible, the look in Iwaizumi's eyes grew softer. “Yes, I do.”

“You like me,” Kindaichi repeated.

“I do.”

“You.  _Iwaizumi Hajime_. Like  _me_. Kindaichi Yuutarou.” Kindaichi grinned almost victoriously. “You  _like_  me.”

“Yes, we've established that,” Iwaizumi said drily, but the gentle smile on his face betrayed him. “Or do you need me to say it again?”

Kindaichi bit his lip and dipped his head, nodding shyly as he looked up at Iwaizumi through his eyelashes. “Yes please.”

Laughing quietly, Iwaizumi shook his head at him. The air was completely still and silent, Iwaizumi having paused their game some time ago, as he leaned forward until their lips were just a hair's breadth apart. “I. Like.  _You_.”

The small space between them closed, and Kindaichi's eyes fluttered shut as he wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi and drew him closer. It wasn't much, just a lingering press of lips that neither of them sought deepen. Iwaizumi was the first to pull away, slowly opening his eyes to the sight of Kindaichi with his still closed, a serene smile brightening his face.

“If this is a dream,” Kindaichi said quietly, “it's the best dream I've ever had.”

His eyes popped open with a yelp as Iwaizumi slapped him upside the head, and he turned to the third year with an astonished glare. It softened immediately though at the sight of Iwaizumi's blushing face schooled into a scowl, one hand rubbing the back of his neck as he averted his gaze.

“D-don't say that crap,” he grumbled, and Kindaichi laughed at him. “And don't laugh at me!”

“I can't help it!” Kindaichi snickered. “You're adorable!”

“Yeah, well—”

Iwaizumi was cut off as Kindaichi pecked him on the lips, grinning shyly as he pulled back. The older boy did his best to keep scowling. “C'mon, Kindaichi, that's not fa—”

Another quick kiss silenced him, and Iwaizumi grabbed Kindaichi's head to stop him from pulling away this time. With a startled but pleased hum, Kindaichi tensed up for a moment only to relax the next, and his lips parted almost on instinct. The temperature of his body spiked as he felt Iwaizumi copy the motion, moving closer so their fronts were pressed together, and chills ran down his spine as he felt something warm and wet slide against his lips. Kindaichi gripped the back of Iwaizumi's shirt to ground himself, his heart racing as he responded in kind, and he heard Iwaizumi let out a grunt.

Something inside of him stirred at the sound, and before he could even think to do otherwise, Kindaichi surged forward, licking into Iwaizumi's mouth and pushing him flat on his back with Kindaichi between his legs. Iwaizumi was startled but didn't push him off, instead encouraging him by kissing back with equal enthusiasm. It was sloppy, inexperienced, as saliva dribbled down Kindaichi's chin and smeared along Iwaizumi's cheek, but they pressed on, totally lost in the feeling of one another. Kindaichi's hands began roaming down Iwaizumi's sides, his fingers digging into the sliver of exposed skin along Iwaizumi's waist, and Iwaizumi bit down on Kindaichi's lip to hold back a groan, wrapping his legs around Kindaichi and unintentionally grinding against him.

Kindaichi moaned as a shot of pleasure coursed through him, and he froze as his eyes snapped open. He suddenly felt hyper-aware of every place on his body where Iwaizumi was touching and the growing heat in his pants, and the fact that he practically had his tongue down Iwaizumi's throat. He couldn't breathe, and he tried to calm as panic set in, all of the thoughts from the previous weeks hitting him all at once.

Feeling his hesitation, Iwaizumi pulled back, panting. “What is it, what's wrong? Too fast?”

Kindaichi jumped back as though he'd been burned, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. His chest felt tight and his heart was beating too fast,  _too fast_ , his vision going splotchy as the air continued to evade his lungs, and the entire world shook as every muscle in his body seemed to quiver. He could barely hear Iwaizumi calling his name, and he started jerking his head back and forth, trying to make it stop.

“N-no, I-I c-can't, I-Iwaizumi-san, I-I can't,” he stammered, his fingers twitching as they curled into fists. “I-I c-can't d-do it, j-just can't, n-no—”

“Hey hey hey,” Iwaizumi cut in soothingly. He reached out to Kindaichi but stopped before he could touch him, his hand hovering in the space between them. “It's alright. That was...definitely too fast, I'm sorry. We should take things slow, and I'm sorry if I pushed you.”

Kindaichi shook his head even more fiercely, burying his face in his hands. “N-no, I c-can't do...anything, w-we can't, I c-can't, I-I'm s-sorry!”

“Alright, you don't have to explain,” Iwaizumi said quietly, “just try to breathe. Alright, focus on your breathing, in and out. Can you do that?”

Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Kindaichi nodded sharply and did as he was told. The next few minutes, the only sound was Iwaizumi's quiet murmurs guiding Kindaichi's gasping and heaving, until his breathing evened out and he was left a quivering mess on the bedroom floor. Iwaizumi kept his distance, watching him with worried eyes and a still outstretched hand, as Kindaichi calmed down and his shivering stopped.

The silence that hung over them was the worst yet, and Kindaichi almost wished that he hadn't come down so fast if only he could escape the embarrassment a little longer.

“Hey.”

Iwaizumi's quiet voice cut through the air like a knife, and Kindaichi did his best not to flinch as he looked over at him from behind his knees.

“Talk to me,” Iwaizumi said. “Please.”

“I...” The word came out hoarse and scratchy, and Kindaichi cleared his throat with a quiet sniffle, unable to tear his eyes off of Iwaizumi. The older boy looked small, uncertain, and...oh no, guilty. It made Kindaichi's heart squeeze even tighter in his chest, and he felt as though he could suffocate just from the feeling. “I...I'm sorry. But, I just...I can't. We can't.”

“We can't what?” Iwaizumi asked, confused. “Kiss? That's completely fine, I don't care about that.”

Kindaichi shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “No, I mean...we can't...see each other. Anymore. I can't.”

He was glad he had his eyes closed, because he didn't want to see the look on Iwaizumi's face.

“I don't understand.” Iwaizumi was obviously trying to keep his voice even, but it wasn't working very well. “Just a minute ago, you wanted this.”

“It's not that I don't want it,” Kindaichi whispered. “I do, but...honestly, Iwaizumi-san, do you really think it would work?”  
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes and moved closer, placing his hands on Kindaichi's legs. “Of course I do. Why wouldn't it?”

“Because you're graduating.” Kindaichi nearly choked on the words, and he reached to grasp Iwaizumi's hands. “And I still have two years left in high school, and...and we'd have to keep it a secret, and if word got out you could...you could leave so easily, but I would be stuck h-here with...with all of that, and...I just don't think I can do it.”

There was a pause as Iwaizumi withdrew his hands, and Kindaichi opened his eyes to meet Iwaizumi's disbelieving gaze.

“You really think I would do that to you?” he demanded, his voice almost wavering with hurt.

Kindaichi blinked at him, and he slowly uncurled from himself, lowering his legs to sit cross-legged. “I...I don't know. Not really. Not now at least, but...you know, things are easier said than done. And if you didn't have to, I wouldn't want you to deal with that.”

He watched Iwaizumi's expression shift from disbelief to annoyance, and he barely had time to dodge before Iwaizumi flicked him on the forehead.

“Don't be an idiot,” he snapped, but the words were more sad than venomous. “You're not the only one who gets to decide what happens. Besides, this is worst-case scenario kind of shit. Think of what could happen if we did try, and none of those things went wrong.”

“But you're graduating—”

“So what?” Iwaizumi interrupted. “Graduating doesn't mean leaving forever. Or at all.” He shook his head. “I mean...you could ask if I'm even leaving Miyagi.”

Kindaichi's eyes widened. “You...aren't you?”

Iwaizumi laughed slightly and shook his head. “ _No._ ”

“But...but Oikawa-san said you probably weren't staying.”

A look of understanding suddenly passed over Iwaizumi's face, and the older boy took Kindaichi's hand, lacing their fingers together. Kindaichi didn't fight it. “Is that why you were avoiding me these past two weeks? Because Oikawa said I might be leaving?”  
Kindaichi sighed and looked away, nodding. “Yeah. Mostly. He just said to be careful, in case you did leave. He seemed to think that you were leaving, and he said he didn't want to see me get hurt. It got me thinking, I guess, and...I wanted to get over you so that it hurt less.”

“Oh.” Iwaizumi's free hand rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess that makes sense, and explains a few things. He wouldn't know any different, since last year I was considering going to Tokyo, but, uh...” He glanced around the room. “I decided it might be better if I stuck closer to home. For now, at least.”

Kindaichi nodded slowly. “I'm sorry. For jumping to conclusions. I should've asked you.”

Iwaizumi shook his head quickly, bringing Kindaichi's hand to his lips. “No, it's not your fault. You were scared, and I don't blame you for that. Everything you're worried about is, you know, something worth thinking about. And for what it's worth,” he added, “I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about any of this. I don't ever want you to feel like that ever again.”

The honest words filled Kindaichi's chest with a warm buzz, and without hesitation he moved closer to Iwaizumi and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close to his chest. He felt Iwaizumi tense up in surprise at first, but it wasn't long until he returned the embrace.

“Thank you,” Kindaichi murmured, his face pressed into Iwaizumi's shoulder. “So, does this mean...we try?”

Iwaizumi's hold on him tightened. “I want to if you're wanting to.”

A laugh escaped Kindaichi's lips as he pulled back, wiping at the sudden wetness trailing down his cheeks. “Y-yeah. I do want to.”

Iwaizumi raised a hand, and Kindaichi expected a light but reprimanding slap to his forehead. Instead, he felt a gentle touch to his cheek as Iwaizumi wiped away his tears, and he looked up to see the third year gazing at him with concern.

“Why are you crying?” he asked. “Happy tears, I hope?”

“Y-yeah, they are,” Kindaichi assured him, sniffling. “It's just...” He paused, not knowing how to say just what he was thinking. “I guess, I thought had ruined everything. But for whatever reason you still want me, and I still don't understand because...I mean, I just made a mess of myself in front of you, but you haven't told me to get out.”

There was a short silence as Iwaizumi cocked his head at him, a twinkle of amusement lighting his eyes. “Have you forgotten who my best friend is?”

His answer took Kindaichi by surprise, and for a moment he was unsure of what to say. He didn't know why he hadn't realized it before. Oikawa was very open about how connected he was with his emotions, and there had been several times in both middle school and this last year that Kindaichi had witnessed him on the cusp of panic. It would only make sense that Iwaizumi was used to large bursts of emotion.

Kindaichi's thoughts were interrupted when Iwaizumi placed a hand on Kindaichi's cheek, and Kindaichi turned his head so they were nose to nose. The closeness was still almost intoxicating, and his breath caught in his throat as Iwaizumi smiled that rare, gentle smile at him.

“I understand why you were worried,” Iwaizumi told him. “But I like  _you_ , and any mess you might bring. So just, don't be afraid to tell me how you feel. You can trust me.”

“I...” Kindaichi laughed shakily, and his head fell forward to rest on Iwaizumi's shoulder. “You really know how to make me not know what to say, don't you?”

This time it was Iwaizumi's turn to gain some color in his cheeks. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“It's good,” Kindaichi groaned, gripping the front of Iwaizumi's shirt. “It's so good.  _You_  are so good, how are you so good?”

A chuckle vibrated through Iwaizumi's chest, and Kindaichi looked up at him when he felt Iwaizumi's finger pressing at the underside of his chin. They smiled lazily at one another, and Iwaizumi put one hand on the back of Kindaichi's head, drawing him closer until their foreheads are pressed together.

“Can I kiss you again?” Iwaizumi asked in a low murmur, nuzzling his nose against Kindaichi's cheek. “I promise we can take it slower this time.”

A sound akin to a giggle escaped Kindaichi, and the younger bit his lip in embarrassment. “Y-yeah. Of course you can.”

Carefully, almost reverently, Iwaizumi slid his hands into Kindaichi's hair, playing with the strands for a moment before leaning in closer. There was only a moment more of hesitation before the space between them disappeared in a gentle kiss much like their first, with closed lips and soft touches. All of the nervous tension and pent up energy is gone, and this time there is no urge to push Iwaizumi down onto the floor and wrap the other's leg tight around his waist.

It didn't feel like it lasted long enough when they finally parted, but Iwaizumi's contented smile makes it alright for Kindaichi.

“So, Iwaizumi-san,” he said, and Iwaizumi cut him off with a scowl.

“You don't have to be so formal with me, you know,” he said. “You can...call me something else.”

Kindaichi's smile took on a mischievous tilt. “Oh? Is that so? What would you suggest? Should I just drop the  _san_? Or...maybe something more intimate.”

He leaned closer, his lips against Iwaizumi's ear, and he heard the other gulp, Iwaizumi's hold on his shirt tightening.

“ _Iwa-chan_ ,” Kindaichi whispered seductively, and he cackled as he was pushed roughly away. He only laughed harder when he caught sight of just how scandalized Iwaizumi looked.

“Never say that again,” Iwaizumi ordered. “I swear to all things holy, I will break up with you.”

Kindaichi's smile dropped, and he felt his gut wrench in what he pinpointed as nervous excitement. The change in his expression must have been noticed because Iwaizumi immediately looked panicked.

“Wait, Kindaichi, I'm just—”

“Break up?” Kindaichi interrupted. “As in...are we...dating?”

“Um.” Iwaizumi scratched his head. “Well, I guess I figured that was implied.”

The smile Kindaichi gives him is blinding.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess it was.” Kindaichi looked away shyly. “And that answers what I was about to ask.”

Iwaizumi laughed and pulled Kindaichi in for a light peck on the lips, making Kindaichi blush.

“Y-you do that a lot,” he stuttered, and Iwaizumi tilted his head to the side.

“Do what?” he asked.

“You know,” Kindaichi said, looking away. “Uh, kiss me.”

“Oh.” Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “Yeah, I guess I do. Uh, sorry...? I can do it less, if you want. I know we were wanting to take things slower.”

Kindaichi shook his head quickly. “Oh, that's not it! I don't mind at all. I just, uh, I'm still adjusting to the idea that you would want to be that close to me.”

It sounded even more stupid out loud than it did in his head, and he understood that he fully deserved the flick to his forehead following his words. That didn't stop him from flinching and shooting Iwaizumi a pout.

“I know, I know,” he grumbled. “I'm sorry...H-Hajime.”

Kindaichi stammered over Iwaizumi's name, but he kept his head up confidently, fighting down a blush at the way Iwaizumi started. He grinned at the blush Iwaizumi was fighting down miserably.

“Th-that works,” Iwaizumi managed. “And don't apologize, even though it was really stupid of you to say. You'll get used to it, even if I need to kiss you every minute of every damn day until it sinks through your thick skull.”

“Aw, Hajime is such a romantic,” Kindaichi cooed, laughing off Iwaizumi's frown. He lightly traced circles into Iwaizumi's back with his fingertips. “I hope you're planning to follow up on that promise. I feel like I'm going to need a lot of convincing.”

In the end, there were no more exchanged kisses. After spending more time murmuring sappily to one another than either would ever admit, Iwaizumi settled into Kindaichi's lap with his back pressed against Kindaichi's chest and they resumed their gaming. They played until they were too tired to keep their eyes open any longer, and Iwaizumi dragged Kindaichi to the bathroom to brush their teeth before they returned to the bedroom to sleep.

Kindaichi paused in the door frame, confused as his eyes dragged across the room. Something was missing, but he wasn't sure what it was. It hit him when he saw Iwaizumi crawling into bed, pulling back the covers and moving to the far side so he was almost pressed against the wall.

“Uh, so is there a futon for me to use...?” Kindaichi asked.

Iwaizumi glanced over at him, pulling the sheets back on the other side of the bed, and patted the empty space beside him. “No, we don't have one. Uh, whenever Oikawa spends the night he just shares my bed with me. But if that would be too much for you,” he added quickly, “I can set you up in my brothers' room or something.”

“No, this should be...this is good,” Kindaichi assured him, and after turning off the light he made his way over, scooting down into the covers.

There was an awkward moment as they both contemplated just what should be done next, then Kindaichi quickly laid down on his side with his back to Iwaizumi. He heard Iwaizumi shift behind him, and a moment later he felt something that felt like Iwaizumi's back pressed up against him. Kindaichi stiffened momentarily before forcing himself to relax, breathing in and out deeply and evenly. The excruciating silence that followed almost had Kindaichi ripping his hair out, but he remained stiff-backed and quiet, determined to fall asleep somehow.

Sudden movement behind him made Kindaichi nearly jump, and his heart stopped when he felt a hand curl onto his side.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi's voice sounded quietly behind him. “Is this too weird? I can move to the living room if you need.”

Kindaichi paused, then shook his head jerkily. “No. No, this is fine.”

There was another pause, then the hand on his side began to pull gently. Kindaichi complied and turned onto his other side to face Iwaizumi, or rather the top of Iwaizumi's head.

“I don't want to force this,” Iwaizumi murmured, his hand sliding up Kindaichi's side to rest lightly on his chest. Kindaichi envied him, how easy he made it seem to reach out and touch. “Or rush anything if you're not ready. If you aren't comfortable, you can tell me, alright? I won't be mad.”

Warmth filled Kindaichi's chest, and with resolve he put a hand under Iwaizumi's chin and turned his face towards him. The look in Iwaizumi's eyes was almost fearful, steeled by his serious expression, and it made Kindaichi feel more confident about what to say.

“It's not that,” he told him, and after a moment's hesitation he drew his arms around Iwaizumi and scooted so they were snuggled against one another, their faces centimeters apart. “I just didn't want to make things weird, or move too fast again. I'm, uh, kinda totally lost about what to do here.”

Iwaizumi smiled and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight and tucking his face into the crook of Kindaichi's neck. “Don't worry. I am too. How about we try to find our way out together?”

Kindaichi snorted, and Iwaizumi looked up at him indignantly. “What?”

“Nothing,” Kindaichi snickered. “Who knew Iwaizumi Hajime was such a cheesy romantic? Tell me, are you like this all the time, or do I need to brace myself for disappointment?”

Iwaizumi scowled, but instead of a flick to the forehead Kindaichi received a deep, heated kiss on the lips. Kindaichi made a surprised noise but didn't fight it, opening his mouth to Iwaizumi and allowing Iwaizumi to sweep inside, and the next moment Kindaichi was flat on his back with Iwaizumi on top of him. Unlike before, though, this kiss was languid and slow with Iwaizumi's hands tangled in Kindaichi's hair and Kindaichi's on Iwaizumi's waist. It was soft and breathtaking, and Kindaichi was left in a haze by the time Iwaizumi pulled away. He started up at the other with a dumb smile on his face, his breath coming in short bursts.

“I am not going to be disappointed, then,” he said with a grin, and he laughed as Iwaizumi slammed a pillow into his face.

They settled back down onto the bed, their arms still wrapped loosely around one another with Iwaizumi's face tucked under Kindaichi's chin. The silence this time was comfortable, and Kindaichi could feel his drowsiness grow stronger with the warmth of Iwaizumi's body beside him. His mind was growing dull quickly, and within minutes he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. But not before he heard Iwaizumi quietly murmur, “I promise, you never will be.”

Kindaichi never slept so well in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna write here what happens to their relationship, but I think I'll save that for another actually painful fic. I hope you enjoyed, and I apologize for any oocness. I just love the idea of sappy Iwaizumi who doesn't love often, but when he does he's all in. Also poor Iwaizumi, who grew up in a relatively well off family but then the economy took a turn for the worse and his family was left with very little. 
> 
> But once again I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!!!! Comments are always appreciated :)


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